Bad at expressing feelings, need your opinion

Water Cooler
#21

SONETO DE FIDELIDADE

Vinicius de Moraes

De tudo, ao meu amor serei atento

Antes, e com tal zelo, e sempre, e tanto

Que mesmo em face do maior encanto

Dele se encante mais meu pensamento.

Quero vivê-lo em cada vão momento

E em seu louvor hei de espalhar meu canto

E rir meu riso e derramar meu pranto

Ao seu pesar ou seu contentamento.

E assim, quando mais tarde me procure

Quem sabe a morte, angustia de quem vive

Quem sabe a solidão, fim de quem ama

Eu possa me dizer do amor (que tive):

Que não seja imortal, posto que é chama

Mas que seja infinito enquanto dure.

[===TRANSLATED TO ENGLISH===]

SONNET ON FIDELITY

Above all, to my love I’ll be attentive

First, and always with such ardor, so much

That even when confronted by the greatest temptation

My thoughts delight in her.

I want to live it fully in each vain moment

And in its honor I must spread my song

And laugh with my delight and shed my tears

When she is sad; when she is happy.

And thus, when the end comes looking for me

Who knows of death, the fear of all who live?

Who knows of loneliness, the fate of all who love?

I could say to myself of the love (I had):

It is not immortal, since it is burning flame

But it is infinite while it lasts.

[my favorite part in bold: such beauty in something so cynical]

#22

^ If you read her this poem, I can virtually promise you she’ll conclude that you’re cold because you’re a closet homosexual and leave for less flamboyant pastures.

#23

Care to test that theory?

My problem with reading her this poem is that it suggests that your love might end one day, which might turn her off…

#24

Sure why not, I don’t care if his gf runs off.

#25

I wasn’t suggesting he read the poem to his gf. My point was just to look at how it uses language, and I chose it because I like the last two lines.

#26

Get a dog like the Herc and Chuck Hansen in Pacific Rim. The two characters in the movie have trouble conveying their feelings, so they express it through the dog. When Chuck goes to the final battle, he can’t bring himself to say goodbye to his dad, so he says goodbye to and pets the dog. Pacific Rim is one of my favorite movies, as it combines emotional complexity with my interest in giant robots launching elbow rocket punches into the face of godzillas.

#27

My darling wife, would you give me leeway,

To suggest to you, a little threeway.

That friend of yours you brought from work,

I’ve seen the way that she can twerk.

I’d cook a meal of wine and pasta,

And soon we’ll dance like we be rasta.

It’d be just like back in college,

But we’d be filled with better knowledge.

Oh, I see, you don’t approve.

Well, if you like, I can move.

Oh wait, you want a thing with Lester?

That little prick? I’d never guessed-er.

OK, then we’ll do a twofer.

But nothing that I’d be all nude for.

Not that I’d want you any less.

But it’s not polite to scare the guests.

#28

Curiously, one of the few movies named for its target audience.

I’m interested in it because of how much I like Guillermo del Toro but held back by the plot description.

#29

Another example of excellent advice from bchad. No wonder why some on here call him Sir bchad.

@ Black Swan: If her name was Evelyn, then I would consider your proposal. It isn’t though, so it’s hard to do as I am in a situation similar to your own, married with a young daughter. And I want to be with her, the wife. She’s a way better person than I am.

@ Sir bchad: She would detect cyncism immediately in that poem.

I grew up in an Anglo-Saxon culture and your second choice applies: 2) that you want to be more expressive, but you feel it is some combination of unmasculine/undignified and/or it just feels unnatural.

I’ve been advised to practice writing down feelings before as a way to remember things to share. I should pick that back up again

#30

The included poems were just samples for fun. I don’t think those specifically would be home runs of any sort. The main goal is just to get yourself used to coming up with phrases to express how you feel about things. Then you start to encounter situations where they seem to fit, and you can mention them. It’s easier to do the happy feelings, than the angry ones or sad ones.

A lot of men feel that expressing feelings makes them into sissies (except, ironically, the angry ones). But it’s not really true.

It’s fine to have the feelings, and it is (though this is context dependent) also fine to say what they are. Part of being masculine is about making sure that your feelings don’t own you or make you crumble. But you can still have them and acknowledge them. Being sad about something doesn’t make you less of a man. A man defending his children or his wife can be very emotional, and still very manly. A impressive man can be both compassionate and stoic at the same time.

A man who finds an elegant way or show to say how he’s moved by his wife or gf’s beauty or sexiness is still a desirable man in most women’s books. It’s when that turns into crude language, or seems to bring a man out of control that it becomes a problem (for many reasons). That’s why - to some extent - the love-smitten suitor is necessarily a bit of theatre that we gents play. We can be moved by our emotions, but we don’t want to be completely out of control.

Women want to see us moved by our emotions, and sometimes they want us to say things that show that we aren’t just being logical all the time, but they don’t want to see us crippled or blinded by them. That’s the balance you want to strike.

I’m not saying I’m perfect in any way on these things, but I have struggled with the issue that anglo saxon macheesmo doesn’t leave much room for emotions, and yet there are ways to do it.

#31

Pablo from Narcos is excellent, “Nazi gonorrhoea” LOL