People almost always write letters that are too long when they start out. This letter is generating extra negative responses because it may be for some of us the longest cover letter we’ve ever encountered. It really feels over the top.
That said, the way AF condenses text and paginates things, it does look even longer than it would on typical letter paper. So there’s that too.
One thing you need to do is get rid of all the excess words that aren’t necessary to get your point across. All the transitional adverbs “However, moreover, etc.”. Phrases that are about chronology (“Subsequent to that…”). Qualifiers (“I might perhaps be interested in X” -> “X interests me”).
You can have an adjective here or there, to give some color, but use them sparingly, and every time you have a prepositional phrase or subordinate clause, ask yourself if you can find a single word or two words that makes using the longer phrase unnecessary.
That will help a lot.
Finally, remember that the letter contains basically five points:
- What job you are interested in and how you learned about the position (preferably through a network contact)
- Why you are going to be good at the job and what experience prepares you to excel (but not every item in your history, just the two or three key points).
- Why you will fit in at that organization (often the hardest thing to argue, but the interview is for that, just show you know something about the company)
- State that you want the job (projecting earnestness rather than desperation) - people think this should be obvious or they wouldn’t have applied, but people like to hire people who clearly WANT to be there, so a statement of genuine interest is powerful. One way to do this is to say how the position fits into your career goals and so you are motivated.
- How to get in touch with you (not technically necessary, but it’s as good a closing sentence as anything else).
Remember that even if you do the cover letter perfectly, many people are not going to read it anyway and will go straight to the resume. If your resume seems like a plausible fit, THEN they might look at the cover letter. So don’t get fooled, the cover letter typically gets read AFTER the resume.
My theory is that the cover letter needs to expres the three key selling points (qualifications, cultural fit, and genuine interest). After that, the letter needs to highlight 2 or 3 of the most relevant parts of your resume. Basically, it says “don’t miss this on my resume”.
This is why bullet points ar so useful. It tells your reader what parts of your resume to zero in on as your selling point. Even if the reader doesn’t read the rest of the letter, they are likely to see the bullet points, and then your letter has done its job the best it can.