SuperiorReturn Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > there were two friends, one worked in IT, and the > other was an engineer. > both of them really wanted to get into finance and > after much research decided to take the CFA exam. > both being very smart, passed in 2.5 years and > began job hunting. > > they could not get jobs in finance and remained in > their respective fields. > they both ended up having decent lives, but wasted > 2.5 years of their lives studying for the exam. A joke has to be somewhat believable to be funny. This is way to far fetched. Find a way to work in an 18 year old, smoking hot farm girl and a hole in the guest bedroom wall and maybe it would be believable.
Two mathematicians walk into in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer “one third x cubed.” She repeats: “one thir — dex cue?” He repeats “one third x cubed.” “One thir dex cuebd?” “Yes, that’s right”, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, “one thir dex cuebd… one thir dex cuebd… one thir dex cuebd…” The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks “What is the integral of x squared?” The waitress says “one third x cubed” and while walking away, turns back and adds with a wink “…plus a constant.”
cityboy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Danny Boy Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > Iginla2010 Wrote: > > > -------------------------------------------------- > > > ----- > > > How many stockbrokers does it take to change > a > > > light bulb? > > > Two. > > > > > > One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the > > > other to try and sell it before it crashes > > > (knowing that it’s already burned out) > > > > I find this joke entirely offensive. Stock > > brokers are an important part of the finance > > community and deserve the utmost respect. > > Cmon, a joke is a joke. Apparently the sarcasm wasn’t strong enough.
OK, now i get it.
How many Argentines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Ans: None, the Hand of God will do it. :DD
Nice one Palantir!
A man flying in a hot air balloon realised that he was lost. He spots a man down below and descends. ‘Excuse me’, he shouts. ‘Can you help me ? I promised a friend that I’d meet him half hour ago, but I’m lost. Where am I ?’ ‘You are in a hot air balloon’, the man below replied. ‘You are hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude’. ‘Thanks,’ replied the lost balloonist. ‘You must work in Operations.’ ‘I do’, said the man below. ‘But how did you know?’ ‘Well’, answered the balloonist, ‘Everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of it all, and the fact is that I’m still lost!’ ‘And you my friend’, said the man below, ‘must work in Front Office’. ‘I do’, said the balloonist. ‘But how come you knew that ?’. ‘Well’, replied the man with his feet on the ground, ‘you don’t know where you are, or where you are going. You made a promise which you are not going to keep, and you are now looking to me to solve your problems. And the fact is that you are in exactly the same predicament you were in before we meet, yet somehow all the blame is now being laid on me!’
^ Good one!
Hahahah that one’s great Mar.
mar350 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > A man flying in a hot air balloon realised that he > was lost. He spots a man down below and descends. > ‘Excuse me’, he shouts. ‘Can you help me ? I > promised a friend that I’d meet him half hour ago, > but I’m lost. Where am I ?’ > > ‘You are in a hot air balloon’, the man below > replied. ‘You are hovering approximately 30 feet > above this field. You are between 40 and 42 > degrees north latitude, and between 58 and 60 > degrees west longitude’. > > ‘Thanks,’ replied the lost balloonist. ‘You must > work in Operations.’ > > ‘I do’, said the man below. ‘But how did you > know?’ > > ‘Well’, answered the balloonist, ‘Everything you > told me is technically correct, but I have no idea > what to make of it all, and the fact is that I’m > still lost!’ > > ‘And you my friend’, said the man below, ‘must > work in Front Office’. > > ‘I do’, said the balloonist. ‘But how come you > knew that ?’. > > ‘Well’, replied the man with his feet on the > ground, ‘you don’t know where you are, or where > you are going. You made a promise which you are > not going to keep, and you are now looking to me > to solve your problems. And the fact is that you > are in exactly the same predicament you were in > before we meet, yet somehow all the blame is now > being laid on me!’ …and they must both work for UBS because they’re in the middle of the ocean!
I was at the bank earlier today where there was a short line. In front of me was an Asian lady trying to exchange Thai baht for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated about something so I leaned forward to listen. She asked the teller, ‘Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo baht. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?’ The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Uh? Fluctuations.’ The Asian lady, looked ready to explode. Incensed, she screamed back at the guy ‘Hey, fluc you white people too!’…
When Lloyd was a kid, he once bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’ Lloyd replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’ Lloyd said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him? Lloyd said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’ Lloyd said, ‘Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Lloyd and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Lloyd said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Lloyd said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’ Lloyd now works for Goldman Sachs.
Palantir Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > How many Argentines does it take to screw in a > lightbulb? > > Ans: None, the Hand of God will do it. :DD +1. Maestro Maradona.
What’s a FRB Employee’s favorite game? Just the TIP. Yeah, just made that up.
- When Chuck Norris buys a bond, yield and price rise together. - Chuck Norris doesn’t borrow at the discount window, Chuck Norris lends at the discount window.
ASSet_MANagement Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What’s a FRB Employee’s favorite game? > > > Just the TIP. > > > Yeah, just made that up. That’s pretty good. Nicely done sir.
q: Why did the economist cross the street ? a: To join consensus
Q: How many University of Chicago economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: None, the market will take care of itself.
The real joke must be about who U.Chicago economists like to screw. My money’s on “the little guy.”
A guy walks up to a woman in a bar and asks, “hey, would you sleep with me for $2,000,000?” Woman says, “well, yes I guess I would” Man: “Would you sleep with me for a $20?” Woman slaps him and screams, “of course not, do you think I am some kind of prostitute?!” Man: “We already know what you are, we are just haggling over the price”