A mathematician and a stock broker go to the races to bet on horses. The broker suggests a bet of $10,000. That’s too much for the mathematician’s taste: First, he wants to understand the rules, have a look at the horses, etc. “Don’t worry”, the broker says. “I know an empirical algorithm that allows me to find the number of the winning horse with absolute certainty.” This does not convince the mathematician. “You are too theoretical!” the broker exclaims and puts his $10,000 on a horse. The horse comes in first - making the broker even richer than he already is. The mathematician is baffled. “What is your algorithm?” he wants to know. “It’s rather easy. I have two children, three and five years old. I add up their ages and bet on that number.” “But three plus five is eight - and that horse had number nine!” “I told you that you’re too theoretical! Didn’t I just experimentally prove that my calculation is correct?!”
what’s the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? the large pizza can still feed a family of 4…zing!
whats the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? the pizza can feed a family of four
Three economists go hunting. They see a deer and take 2 shots. The first economists shot misses 10 yards left. The second economists shot misses 10 yards right. The third economist says “We hit it!”
^ Wow now that is uncanny. Sign of the times.
Dwight Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > ^ Wow now that is uncanny. Sign of the times. the pizza joke was ripped off from this morning’s globe and mail. at least in my case it was.
- When the yield on a Chuck Norris bond goes up, the price also rises. - The Chuck Norris dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at parity with the euro. - Chuck Norris thinks Credit Crunch is a breakfast cereal http://www.analystforum.com/phorums/read.php?1,845561,845761
A biologist, a physicist and an economist are stuck on a deserted island with nothing to eat but canned food. They are trying to figure out how to open the cans. The biologist says: “Lets use acid from this poison frog to eat a hole in the can”. The physicist says: “Lets use the light refracting from my glasses to but an hole in the can”. The economist says: “Lets just assume a can opener”.
What’s the capital of Iceland? About $20 Iceland was a currency posing as a bank. (the only joke there is Iceland) Quote of the day (from a trader): “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.” Went to Best Buy to get a toaster and they gave me a free bank with purchase.
How wall st. would work… Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’ Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’ The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’ Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’ The farmer asked, 'What yak going to do with him? Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’ The farmer said ‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’ Chuck said, ‘Sure I can; Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’ A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’ Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.’ The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’ Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’ Chuck now works on Wall Street.
Once upon a time in a place overrun with monkeys, a man appeared and Announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the Forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as Supply started to diminish, they became harder to catch, so the villagers Stopped their effort. The man then announced that he would now pay $20 for each one. This renewed The efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. But Soon the supply diminished even further and they were ever harder to catch, So people started going back to their farms and forgot about monkey Catching. The man increased his price to $25 each and the supply of monkeys Became so sparse that it was an effort to even see a monkey, much less catch One. The man now announced that he would buy monkeys for $50! However, since he Had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his Behalf. While the man was away the assistant told the villagers. ‘Look at all these Monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought. I will sell them to you at $35 each and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him For $50 each.’ The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. They Never saw the man nor his assistant again and once again there were monkeys Everywhere.
A pickup line I made up while cramming for Level 1. Trader at the bar: Hey baby, I’d be game to go long on some naked options.
viktorv Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > whats the difference between an investment banker > and a large pizza? > > the pizza can feed a family of four Or the difference between a park bench and an investment banker: A park bench can support a family of 4.
ah…perfect thread to bookmark in case i ever get asked at an interview to tell them a funny joke. some of these are timeless.
why did the vampire read the Wall Street Journal? *drumroll* He heard it has good circulation!
why did the vampire read the WSJ? he loved to read about blood baths. teeheee
I don’t have any Finance jokes, but it reminds me of a class I took my senior year in college. The class was Policy Analysis & Formulation, the capstone management class, and just for fun on the first day when people introduced themselves, the professor had everyone give an example of how they were going to “make money and be successful.” One guy in the class said that he wanted to establish some multinational management consulting firm. His friend who sat next to him said “My plan to become wealthy is simple. I will be the one buying all of the puts on Ryan’s consulting firm.” I thought it was pretty funny. Only a handful of people in the class got it since the class was comprised of all business majors.
What’s the difference between a tire and a 30% return? One’s a Goodyear the other’s a REALLY good year
How do you get $500,000? Give $1M to a FA…whaa wha wha
A joke? Obama’s tax plan…