So I got my first semester evaluation from my MBA Program. Three group members, and three random classmates provided a holistic evaluation of me in various frames of reference. The positives - current relevant knowledge, good real world application of class topics, solid network of contacts, general finance knowledge, friendly, helpful, etc. The negatives - I was told that my confidence and leadership is lacking. I use too many qualifiers (maybe, kinda, I’m no expert but, etc). Others say the way I present myself lacks confidence in general. I’m a pretty quiet shy level headed dude. I’ve realized that my whole life. But, I would like to improve my confidence and leadership ability. How would one do that?
Get jacked. (not necessarily Mr. Olympia huge, but getting in shape helped me become more confident around 14-15 years old) Play a competitive sport. (Tennis, Racquetball, something where it is intimate enough to know your opponent, you want them to know you are beating them) Approach all the girls in the bar. Go to class naked.
You do have a good point. In college I had more of a swagger since I played lacrosse and was stacked on the fitness aspect. I work out a ton now, but with all the various commitments I have, it cuts into my sleep, which I’ve been told is essential to keeping fit. Good call on being built and jacked when presenting oneself.
May sound stupid, but if you want to add confidence I would say you need to quit caring about what people think. I have had to do this in my position when I was first put in charge at a level that I hadnt been before and used to have some qualifying statements…I wasnt told anything from anyone that it sounded weak or anything, but in my mind I realized it and thought it did. I thought it came across as indecisive and afraid to make a decision. So I just focused on it and figured I wasnt gonna worry about what others thought and would just speak my mind. It also became necessary because our corp is in Norway and they tend to be very non-confrontational. Now that said, if you are qualifying because you really dont know the answer then probably just experience and learning will solve that. But my guess is you posted because oyu qualify things even when you are 99.9% sure it is correct.
Confidence is really a people skill. I know some people who is willing to go up and talk to anybody but are just so insecure inside (I.e. need attention, make jokes so everybody will like you, etc). Really helps if your 6’6 275 pounds of muscle, everybody just kinda of have to look up to you. You can’t be afraid of approaching people, you must know how to say hi and make stupid small talk. Just do it with your classmates and fellow students. And of course smile. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for asking for a flavor. Pratice public speaking Guys respect accomplishments so, 4.0 gpa, made +100k in stocks, 315 bench, etc. Girls will respect you if all the guys respect you and your not a dick.
Confidence is really a people skill. I know some people who is willing to go up and talk to anybody but are just so insecure inside (I.e. need attention, make jokes so everybody will like you, etc). Really helps if your 6’6 275 pounds of muscle, everybody just kinda of have to look up to you. You can’t be afraid of approaching people, you must know how to say hi and make stupid small talk. Just do it with your classmates and fellow students. And of course smile. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for asking for a flavor. Pratice public speaking Guys respect accomplishments so, 4.0 gpa, made +100k in stocks, 315 bench, etc. Girls will respect you if all the guys respect you and your not a dick.
Confidence is really a people skill. I know some people who is willing to go up and talk to anybody but are just so insecure inside (I.e. need attention, make jokes so everybody will like you, etc). Really helps if your 6’6 275 pounds of muscle, everybody just kinda of have to look up to you. You can’t be afraid of approaching people, you must know how to say hi and make stupid small talk. Just do it with your classmates and fellow students. And of course smile. Don’t feel like you have to apologize for asking for a flavor. Pratice public speaking Guys respect accomplishments so, 4.0 gpa, made +100k in stocks, 315 bench, etc. Girls will respect you if all the guys respect you and your not a dick.
kevinf12 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > May sound stupid, but if you want to add > confidence I would say you need to quit caring > about what people think. I totally agree with this – I’d say that in all walks of life, people tend to lose respect for those individuals that are always using disclaimers or are seeking validation for their ideas. I think to build confidence, think of yourself as someone that makes everyone else around oneself better, as opposed to thinking like you need other people in order to live your life. I think there was a time in my life (probably high school and earlier) where I’d often seek approval or want to know that I was the “life of the party” but never quite made it there. I couldn’t necessarily understand why that was so – I thought of myself as someone that was pretty charismatic and visible – I was social chair at school, scholar-athlete, etc. – everything that seemed to check all the right boxes, yet I still wasn’t the most popular or well-known guy at school. I don’t know why this was so important to me at the time, but it was. However, at some point, I just said screw it and started enjoying my life on my own terms. And I think that as I stopped worrying about what others thought of me, it was then that I realized that I could be the master of my own domain and create my own life of fun and excitement. Once I was able to do that, I think people probably saw me less of an “attention seeker” and more of a person that had his act together, which is what ultimately helped boost my credibility and thus self-confidence. To the original poster – I think you should do whatever it takes to make you feel good. People naturally gravitate towards individuals that give off positive vibes, and when that happens, you become someone with leadership potential (though whether you realize this potential is up to you). For some people, maybe it’s hitting up the gym or surrounding themselves with beautiful women and bottles of alcohol that makes them feel good. For others, it’s simply just knowing what really matters most to them and viewing themselves as valuable people. In my case, I probably work out now less than ever before, I don’t preoccupy myself with the Wall Street rat race, I don’t take girls on lavish dates unless I really care about them, and so forth. I know who I am and what’s important to me, and I don’t need validation from others to know that I’m a leader. It’s not that I don’t have anything to prove; it’s just that anything I want to prove, I aspire to prove only to myself. So, in your case, I think you have to view yourself more as someone that has something to offer and that others should be privileged to know. Don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anyone - even if you do, you shouldn’t wear those sentiments on your sleeve. You should feel like people would be privileged to know someone like you, spend time with you, etc. – and that’s how you build confidence. Leadership is somewhat of a separate issue insofar as it has more to do with your ability to inspire others and motivate them towards achieving a common desirable vision. However, having confidence and being perceived as someone that creates value for others as opposed to being just another face in the crowd is one way to build leadership.
from what I’ve observed, theres two ways and both have already been mentioned. The first way is to be really confident in yourself and abilities. This comes from accomplishing various things or partaking in sports, body building, anything that makes you feel superior to others. The second is to be really apathetic about most things. This is a really hard approach and takes years of practice. I guess using philosophy terms its somewhere in between nihilism or just not giving a shit . Its why people like buffet can make billions yet live in the same dam home they bought 50 years ago. He just doesn’t care. Its probably why stand up comedians can tell jokes in front of a judging audience and not worry about what people think of them. Theres a reason why its called being apathy, because you’re taking a-path down a road and lifestyle of approaching things. I don’t really know how to do it this way, but I suspect you must first hit rock bottom before you get to the top. Just realize that almost everyone else in your position is nervous and wants to be liked by others. You’re not alone. The best way you can impress people is to just be yourself.
P nis pump. No, but seriously, confidence is a mental attribute, right? You just need to decide that you are a big swinging dick.
I have to disagree with a couple of comments in that you don’t have to be jacked or tall to exude confidence. You also don’t need to know everything inside and out in order to show confidence. To the OP, you’re on the right track by recognizing some of the things you do that may make you appear less confident. Try to remove “I think…” “I just wanted to say…” “Can I just say…” etc. from your vocabulary (and emails). If people are saying that you present yourself in an unconfident manner in general, it may have to do with little things like how loudly you speak, how straight you sit up. Correcting little things like that can go a long way to help make you appear more confident (until you can actually become more confident!)
It’s fun when you finally decide you will be a very confident person. During college I b@nged a decent number of good looking girls, but never tried to go out with the absolutely hottest chicks because I thought I didn’t belong to their league. It turns out that a couple of months after graduation I landed that sweet job and my confidence level went to the roof. In that state of confidence, one day out of nothing I went and asked the hottest chick I knew in my college days to go out. There are some babes who are so hot that you think: “Nah, she must be seeing some kind of rich rock star or something”. Absolutely stunning, the kind of girl you go into a restaurant and half of the people there is starring like: “Dude …” Anyway, I asked her to go out and she said: “Sure, I have plans for tomorrow and you can join me, but if you don’t want to go there I can cancel and we can go wherever you want”. It took just two minutes, and she didn’t even understand where I worked or anything. Amazing.
^^^Mrs. PTC?
Unfortunately not, my confidence only was good enough for dating her during eight months. It seems confidence has its limits, lol.
just beat up a smaller guy then you or yell at somebody whose has even less confident then you
Look sharp. Focus on good posture. When you do speak up… be assertive and aggressive. Watch the last episode on Chuck… when Morgan asks Casey for help… Casey does command respect… he takes it!
Just say “whatever” constantly. I would completely disagree with the getting jacked approach. Nothing wrong with being fit and looking good, but the guys that are all about muscle are generally riddled with insecurities and over-compensating their lack of Dirk Diggler-ness.
from what i can gather, you’re a smart dude so this should work for you: be decisive. show people that you’re not afraid to make a decision. be confident in your ability to analyze a problem/situation and take decisive action when faced w/ a problem. really what you need to learn to do is project the ability that you know you have inside to the people around you. I guarentee, when it comes to things like taking the CFA exam you are inwardly completely confident in your ability to pass. Now you just have to take the next step and project that confidence. Believe me, as an INTP i am in the same boat, but after trying it out, it’s really pretty remarkable how quickly people come to trust you and value your opinion because they can see you have the knowledge to back up whatever you say. people gravitate to those who aren’t afraid to make a decision because most are scared to death of uncertainty.
In the workplace I would definitely have to agree with FUN’s advice. Looking sharp boosts your confidence ten fold. There is nothing that can make you feel as confident as a well cut, well sitting suit and tie. Put that on and you feel like if you walked in Gekko’s office he would bend over and grab his ankles at the mere site of you! Aside from that you can try the Jersey Shore approach. Come up with a clever nickname a la The Situation and visit the tanning salon a lot! And don’t go easy on the hair gel either.
act as if