my girl told me that men get really attractive after 30 while opposite for women
For me, accepting that there is no way you can possibly seduce every woman you find attractive, even if it were simply a matter of pointing at her and indicating “come here, now,” was somewhat liberating. There simply aren’t enough hours in the day to do that, and even fewer when you consider that most successful seductions require some talk time and a glass of wine or something.
Once you realize that, you start to realize that she just has to be attractive enough that you like the idea of being intimate with her, and then you start to look for how much you enjoy your non-sack time with her. Once you start concentrating on that and developing that, then you can actually enjoy a real realtionship with your partner.
And then you realize that no matter how pretty she is, you’ll probably always find other women attractive, but you won’t want to throw away all the work you’ve done building the rest of your relationship just because some cute chick wiggled her butt at you. (Though I admit to occasional fantasizing when that happens).
I’m in my early 30’s and can tell you that for men, the chase should be getting easier and not harder at this stage of life. However, I’m thinking about locking it down. Someone call me out if this sounds all crazy.
I used to love going out and chasing tail as much as the next guy. The game has gotten even easier as I’ve become more more mature, calm and financially stable. There’s definitely a thrill to getting a new girl every couple weeks - never a dull moment in one’s life - but I’m not sure I want to put up the effort of going out and chatting up new girls anymore.
There’s another reason for this, actually. I feel like I have a 9 out of 10 already that’s a beautiful, intelligent, professional woman. We have a lot of mutual friends, as we met at business school. She laughs at my jokes even when they’re not funny, watches sports with me, is a pretty good cook, and isn’t completely insane. Even with occasional drama and arguments (none that are any more severe than other girls I’ve dated), it’s been smooth sailing for the most part.
Thoughts, anyone? I know bchad had some good advice from a couple months ago, when he essentially said that the chase is overrated when you already have something good. The key is not only knowing that you have something good, but also recognizing the opportunity costs associated with letting go of a good thing and taking a chance that an upgrade will come along (because it doesn’t always work out that way).
Help a brother out before there’s no turning back.
The problem with me is I am like a rabid dog,wanting to take a bait at everygirl out there,believe it or not most girls actually find this attractive to some degree,I kind of found out that robert greene has this kind of character in the art of seduction.
Dude I cant build a relationship even if I wanted to,My confidenece drops to zero after I like girl to be my partner 
Common sense. That’s because different genders find different traits attractive.
IQ doesn’t increase with age. a dumb 20 year old will be a dumb 30 year old. I’d rather find a younger women cuz Im finding the one’s over 30 have too many loose areas even if they are stay in shape.
However, women accumulate experience as they get older, and this might make them less likely to succumb to predatory males.
On the bright side, according to that other thread, people are getting dumber. So, tomorrow’s 22-year-old will be dumber than today’s 22-year-old (?).
I can tell you its not easy finding a girl you can think long term about,a guy once told me always find a girl who is curious about you ,about general events,about life etc…
Something which I enjoy doing is walking in an elevator and smelling the perfume of the women who was there before,then imagining what she looked like based on the smell of perfume,but even I sometimes wish there was a girl who I could have a long term relationship with,its not easy ,to find an rational yet completely irrational in a feminine way girl whose face and body you like,who laughs at your jokes and who knows her way around the world,at some time in your life you have to stop looking the key is knowing when to do that,if I were you I would stop looking since her presence was strong enough to make you think about it,
good luck brother
I think most guys go through this. Just think–how many 50 year old dudes do you see at the bar drinking and womanizing? If you see them, they’re either probably a.) divorced or b.) an idiot.
I read an article a long time ago that asked men why they married that particular partner. My first thought was “because I knocked her up” would be #1. But actually, the #1 response was “she was who I was with when I decided it was time to settle down”. Maybe not as romantic as Krnyc wants to hear, but that’s the unfortunate truth.
If you have a girl who’s 90% perfect, I’d go ahead and lock it down. You’ll probably wait your entire life to get anything better than that.
Ok, that’s it. My feelings towards this guy have transitioned from mild annoyance to extreme pity. Someone just get this guy laid. Get a back alley prostitute or something. Anything.
Numi, you better read the following before taking the plunge:
Most people learn and become more intelligent as they age, but that’s different from saying their IQ will get higher.
Ever wonder why the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is called a quotient?? It was designed to be (mental age) / (physical age), then multiplied by 100 so that 100 is considered average. Mental age is defined to be the level of intelligence that the average person of a particular age is able to accomplish, ideally so that you can try to compare populations across age bands.
Over time, there are adjustments that need to be made for the fact that over time, people get better and worse at solving particular kinds of problems. So the average high school grad in the 1950s can and cannot solve different things than the average person in the 1980s or 2010. The question is whether to renormalize to 100 so that 100 is always normal, or whether to use the old scale, such that you can compare groups between decades. I’m not sure what the current practice is, although I’m sure Wikipedia has a long article about it.
The key here is that people’s IQs may not change much after, say, 20, but that doesn’t mean they don’t learn more or approach things more intelligently at 40 than they do at 20. It just means that people at age 40 are expected to have accumulated that level of knowledge, and so the divisor in the quotient changes to accommodate that.
2 things,
-
XRAY, STFU!
-
Numi, you’re really asking AF, mostly populated full of dumb L1ers who sit for the exam bi annually year after year, if you should pop the question to your 9/10!? This isn’t a crowdsource or DCF decision; you know the answer deep down if it’s yes or no. Dude, if you have to ask, you already know.
2 things,
-
XRAY, STFU!
-
Numi, you’re really asking AF, mostly populated full of dumb L1ers who sit for the exam bi annually year after year, if you should pop the question to your 9/10!? This isn’t a crowdsource or DCF decision; you know the answer deep down if it’s yes or no. Dude, if you have to ask, you already know.
Why pity ?I am very sexually active and yet find the smell of an annonymous girl in the elevator very stimulating
Numi - I am no relationship expert, but I would ask myself do you REALLY love her? You may be compatible and have things in common, but do you love her to the point where doing things for her also makes you very happy. If it seems like work or it is anything less than that, I would not get married.
Sir I throw chicken at you
I think the key to a long term relationship of the type that involves rings and diamonds and an expensive party with white dresses and veils is trying to figure out if you are likely to evolve together or evolve apart.
At some level this is unknowable, because all sorts of things happen in life that are unexpected, like ovarian (or testicular) tumors that change your hormonal balance, or long periods of unemployment that lead to depression and a change of personality, or people’s mutual non-understandings of what parenthood really means to them. But often times you can see things that you approach diferently and ask yourself if your ability to ignore those differences will be the same when you are jointly trying to raise a kid that both of you (presumably) love and will fight for. Sometimes as a single guy, you can just let differences be differences, but sometimes with children, you can’t.
Often times, the big key is in how you fight and resolve differences, because once you’re married, the stakes often get higher, because all of a sudden, you can’t just leave if things get bad. But if you are able to resolve differences calmly, then I think that’s a good sign. What often sinks marriages is this collection of little resentments that accumulate over time. If you can address and diffuse them well, before little resentments become big resentments, and before big resentments become rationalizations for cheating, and before cheating becomes a justification for divorce, that’s a good sign.
Also, if being a 9.5 on looks is that important to you (knowing you, I don’t think it is), don’t get married, because you’ll always find another 9.5 waiting in the wings to make you wish you hadn’t. Get married because of other stuff you connect on (though there’s nothing wrong with thinking your wife is a hottie).
I often hear women say that if you think too hard about things, perhaps it isn’t meant to be. In contrast, I’m of the mindset that if someone (especially a guy) is thinking long and hard about settling down for a change, maybe that is a statement in itself.
Great insights particularly with respect to finding someone who is good at resolving differences and is a compatible “problem solver,” especially when stakes are higher and kids are involved. I’ll be the first to admit that I really have no idea what I’m signing up for when it comes to raising a family (frequently I have enough trouble taking care of myself, ha!), but with the right partner I feel as confident as ever that we’ll be able to tackle whatever challenges life throws our way. I can also say that there have been several instances in my life where things would probably have made me go nuts, but thanks to her, she not only helped me keep my cool but also had the patience and insight to drive towards a great solution (dealing with a hot-headed numi is not fun).