Tyler Perry’s Why did I get Married Too I am in the bar scene. Coincidentally, that was the bar where I went to drink in high school.
So we have an actor here on AF too. Go figure.
Nups, you’re my boy and all, but I can’t bring myself to watch Tyler Perry.
gongshowsgocheddar Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Nups, you’re my boy and all, but I can’t bring > myself to watch Tyler Perry. I feel the same way. I did this as soon as i graduated since I had no job and no income. On a side-note, Tyler Perry lives across the street from my little sisters school.
Did you play Madea?
CzarHC Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Did you play Madea? Nah, I played some drunk extra, pretty fitting IMHO. It was awesome, I got a lot of studying done that day. I still remember, that was my first read through point estimates…
Oh shucks - I was away from AF because I have been severely busy at work and I missed this beauty of a thread. I’ve come to the realization that I will never leave this forum for extended periods of time; there are just too many mentally stimulating discussions that I love to read! Well done everyone. I think I figured out the perfect woman: she has to be passionate about something and have willingness to learn and apply that knowledge. Writing or mathematical ability isn’t relevant; someone who crushes it in say, post-modern art knowledge, but doesn’t know the definition of a quadratic equation can still be very, very attractive and suitable for marriage. Bonus if she is into charitable endeavors. Who agrees?
I wonder if intelligent women are more likely to overanalyze things, simply because of their natural curiosity and ability to think critically about situations. What are your guys’ thoughts on this? This question has some topical relevance to me, not because of a relationship I’m in but rather a relationship that I’ve just exited. My ex-girlfriend and I broke up two weeks ago. A lot of it was just due to being in different parts of our lives as well as differences in values/maturity. I’m the kind of person that likes to give things my all, whether it’s at work, to my friends and family, or my relationships. In contrast, I felt that she didn’t make me feel like I was enough of a priority – hard to tell whether that was the best she could do or if she was holding back, but I guess that’s irrelevant now. Caring for her and being affectionate made me turn a blind eye to this for a long time. However, it eventually reached a tipping point and we both realized things weren’t working out as such, so we agreed to go our separate ways. We’ve been broken up for a couple weeks now, but I know she’s still having a hard time coping. We’ve both had a lot of thoughts and reflections about what we could have done better; it’s not worth summarizing all that here. However, I really feel like I was a great boyfriend to her and so I’m not losing much sleep over things. In comparison, she’s having a hard time because she feels like she could have been a better girlfriend, she should have been more grateful for what she had, so on and so forth. She often sends me e-mails and texts letting me know how badly she feels. I wish she realized this stuff while we were together, but I guess sometimes you don’t know what you have until time has passed you by. However, I really don’t have the heart to see her suffering. On one hand, I do care for her and I want to be there for her, but at the same time, I don’t want to make myself available to her and think that there’s a way I’d get together with her again unless something significant changed. Is my best course of action to try to reach out to her and console her, or is “no contact” advisable for an extended period of time just so that we can both move on with our lives? We have some mutual friends, and I know her best female friends; should I reach out to them and make sure she’s OK, or just trust that her “girl crew” is taking care of her so I don’t have to worry anymore? I do care for her, but I don’t want this to continue taking away from my obligations to my work and the people that are actually involved in my life nowadays.
@numi: This backtracking after a relationship is over is never advisable in my opinion. You broke up for a reason, so stick to your guns bro. If you get back together sh!t will just go back to the business as usual in like 2-3 weeks (or even sooner) once you are comfortably back into relationship mode. I hate to say it but I have had far too much experience with this (I’ve been way too good to the women in my life!).
A lot of that depends on what you want out of the situation. You seem like a nice guy from your posts here and I’d say you probably don’t want to lead the girl on. If you have a desire to remain friends with her down the road or could you never see yourself as just being friends with her? I’ve found that the best way to approach this situation is to be honest with her, even if that means a really difficult conversation. While it can be painful in the moment, you are able to show maturity and most girls appreciate that (even if they don’t in the moment). Best of luck and I hope things work out for your sake.
numi Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I wonder if intelligent women are more likely to > overanalyze things, simply because of their > natural curiosity and ability to think critically > about situations. What are your guys’ thoughts on > this? Yes, we do. > Is my > best course of action to try to reach out to her > and console her, or is “no contact” advisable for > an extended period of time just so that we can > both move on with our lives? We have some mutual > friends, and I know her best female friends; > should I reach out to them and make sure she’s OK, > or just trust that her “girl crew” is taking care > of her so I don’t have to worry anymore? No contact is my best advice when it comes to women. I always dealt with relationships the way most men would and could never understand why the majority of women read into every little word or action. If she’s having a hard time moving on or is still quite upset about your breakup, she might take you reaching out as a signal you’re still interested. Let her lick her wounds and heal with the help of her friends.
I say skull F*ck her
Thanks, adavydov7. I am sticking with my guns here because I see that she won’t be willing to change. In general, we had some challenges discussing conflict to begin with – neither of us are very confrontational so things tended to pile up and eventually it was just too much to handle. And even if I so much mention something that “we” could improve on – which I believe is essential to conflict resolution – she takes it as personal criticism instead of looking at it as something constructive and healthy. In any case, I have no aspirations to get back together with her at this point, but as a friend, I want to be there to support her. I don’t know why she’s tripping right now; every time she asks me why things went wrong, I just tell her what I thought she already knew. But as you said, I do feel like sometimes it does more harm than good to reflect on the past. Maybe when she asks me stuff like “I could have been a better girlfriend, huh?” Instead of saying, “Well, perhaps…”, maybe I should just be like Mark McGwire and tell her “I’m not here to talk about the past…” Is that what you’d do? Frankly, the decision to break up was as much her decision as it was mine, if not more so. I’m a very forgiving person, and it wasn’t until recently that it finally occurred to me that this was all for the better. Not sure why she is having so many mixed feelings about things now if she wanted to separate in the first place.
kevinf12 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I say skull F*ck her lol
Guys and girls can never be “just friends” unless there is absolutely no physical attraction. You two were obviously physically attracted to each other so being friends is out of the question. You both need to move on. “You know”, always gets in the way when guys and girls try with good intentions to be friends. Watch when Harry met Sally - he makes some very valid points.
I’m with the others – let her friends and family be there for her, otherwise there’s a good chance you could end up dating again (against your better judgment, it seems). She’ll move on.
Numi, you’re a basically decent fellow, and it’s natural to want to help a friend get over the fact that you don’t want to be with her anymore, but you can’t help her get over you by “being there for her.” She has to get used to the idea of planning her life without thinking about you, and she can’t do that if you are there. If you want to be nice, about the best thing you can do is to write her a letter saying that you hope one day to be friends again but that you both need some time to heal your hearts before you can truly be “just friends.” Your silence, though you realize it will hurt, is not intended to hurt her, but to help each of you move on. You can say that you will not be talking to her for a long time (6 months? A year?) to get through this stage, but that you hope that after a while has passed you can be regular friends again.
Hey guys, thank you all for the thoughtful feedback. Sounds like “no contact” will be the best course of action for the foreseeable future.
I just love the way numi writes. If you ever come up with a book, i’ll be the 1st one to buy.
numi, talking to a woman particularly after a break-up she has taken hard is about as effective as trying to house a nuclear spill with a blanket. She will hear nothing you say and do anything at all to get back “in” if she sees the slightest glimpse of light (trust me I’ve been on both sides of this “light”). Female emotions during normal times are a b!tch to deal with, but in the state she is in now if I were you I’d rather be in Darfur then within a mile of her. If she keeps asking you about the relationship etc. its because she wants to be able to say “I can do that” to anything you say. Compose an auto-reply email to her messages that explains why you refuse to make direct contact and setup her messages to auto-delete so that you don’t tempt yourself into believing what she is peddling in this emotional state, which can be equated to {[(period)^2] *menopause}^pregnancy.