My fridge is full of fresh, healthy food I should prepare, but I want to go out for Korean. So I do. Then there’s too much food and I can’t finish it, but there is no room in my fridge, I don’t feel like bringing it home and I don’t want to waste it.
Sorry, rather not say, low production sports car.
^ Only 2 of them in the country and afraid we’ll track you down?
Only one out of three Russian prostitutes I hire agree to perform pee fetish and 90% require you to provide your own latex body suits. Seriously, what are we paying for here?
Dude!!! I unknowingly took a dominatrix chick to a friends house a few weeks back. First time I had to say no means no. She said I was boring so I told her she was weird af. Lol it was pretty bad though stayed awake until she left with her friend around 8 am. Cuz well I wasn’t going to sleep through that. I thought I would never hear from her again after that. And last week I got a text call and voicemail if I want to hang?? dafuq! lol I’m just low key glad it was my friends house. Haha
There’s nothing to drink at my place except an unlimited supply of fresh drinking water.
I looked at everything interesting on the internet today – and still have 3 hours of work left.
Wife asked what I wanted for my birthday – can’t think of anything.
#help
My iPhone 6s battery is so horrible I have to plug it in more than once a day. The nerve.
Also, my home printer/scanner is broken. Its highly inconvenient.
I pay for two Netflix subscriptions because I’m too lazy to cancel one - and I don’t watch either on a regular basis.
I got this :
My bank pays first class for my train tickets.
But I prefer to sit in the restaurant-wagon (it’s just generally more enjoyable to me) which … is second class !
So when I get controlled I need to purchase (usually at that point I am enjoying an ice-cold bavarian Weißbier) …a second class ticket.
I usually need at least 2 ice-cold bavarian Weißbier to wash that hacksaw taste out of my mouth.
#FML.
It’s like raaaaaiiiiinnn on your wedding day.
Impossible to read without singing it.
#amirite6
My power was out for 27 hours. Totally messed with my head. Reading by candlelight is hacksaw.
pay your bills
^^Ironically I want to turn out the lights, but my bed is too comfortable.
#BuyingMyClapperTomorrow
I went to pour myself a nice evening drink and realized it was the last of my Laphroaig Triple Wood. Now I _ only _ have Lagavulin and Oban to choose from! I mean, only 3 was bad enough… and won’t be able to get to the wine & spirits store for at least a few days. 
Ah you live in one of those states. What a pity. Lagavulin and Oban are much smoother than Laphroaig. Love me some phroaig though.
steal some from work
Wow op my heart weeps. I bet you can’t get off without your favorite Brazilian fart porn actress now either.
My problem. I want to have a glass of wine, but I’ve only got 3 of my favorite bottle of wine and it’s kind of a special occasion type wine anyways
An alarm just went off at cfai headquarters