“I didn’t fire anyone and I didn’t kill anybody… although I waaas only in for 2 days this week” Hope everyone has a fun weekend
“How are the ambulances?” This comment was directed to our legal counsel by a senior member of management.
“Big Tuna is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But, I mean, I’m not threatened by him. I went to Cornell. Ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group, ‘Here Comes Treble’.”
“…you don’t call a retarted person retarted, it’s bad taste, you call your friends retarted when they’re acting retarted…” Michael Scott, Gay Witch Hunt
“they took my stapler away” [dude burns down office in retaliation] office space
"So you’re the one printing between my legs” Our female director, while standing between me and the bulk printer.
“that’s what she said…”
“Here’s my card. It’s got my cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don’t celebrate any major holidays.” -Dwight Schrute
“Maybe you need a refresher course. It’s all ball bearings these days…”
“Hey, I’ll tell you what. You can get a good look at a butcher’s a$$ by sticking your head up there. But, wouldn’t you rather to take his word for it?”
Oscar: We don’t even have to have a party. Michael Scott: No, hey. Hey, don’t be ridiculous. Of course we are going to have a party. The celebration of Oscar. Oscar night. And I want it to be Oscar specific-- Oscar: Michael… Michael Scott: No, no not because you’re gay. You’re gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you, to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar’s Mexicanity. So Phyllis I want you to go and find firecrackers and a Chiwawa.
“Luuuuuuuuke I am your faaaaaatheeeeeeeerrrrrr” -Chris Farley as Tommy Callahan talking into his fan
Bears, Beats, Battlestar Gallactica!!!
Michael: “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
“Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
my favourite was his “bros before hos” explanation…and at the end, he tells you that “when she leaves, she’s not your ho…no…mo’ …”
Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Schrute bucks? Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again. Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks? Stanley: Same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. …best show ever 
hah I was just trying to start a thread of things AFers were actually hearing around their real offices. I heard mine as I was leaving Friday… but I do like the direction people went with it… Michael: It happened this morning in the parking lot. I took her to the hospital. And the doctors tried to save her, life, they did the best they could. And she is going to be ok. Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why would you have to phrase is like that?
Michael Scott’s quotes are so much better than anything I would ever hear around my office!
Sometimes the likeness of The Office and the awkwardness of my work environment is actually pretty amazing…that is until I realize how depressing that is…