My uncle posted this on Facebook. I thought it was extremely well written. (But since everybody on AF, including me, has a penchant for arguing, I’m sure we’ll argue about it.)
I was thinking the other day about a common 12-inch ruler, and how it provides a pretty accurate illustration of our country today.
Over there between the 11- and 12-inch marks live those known as The Alt-Right. I think they live in places like Wyoming where they are so rare and far apart that they are rarely seen and seldom even see one another. I really don’t know too much about them, having never actually seen one. About all I know is what the corporate media tell me: though rarer than jackalopes, they are the cause of pretty much all evil in the US of A.
On the opposite end, occupying maybe the first quarter-inch of the ruler (and the other set of PC keyboard shortcuts) are The Ctrl-Left. They spend most of their time scrambling over one another to get as close to Zero as possible, for that is the location of Steven Pinker 's Left Pole. (“Just as, when you’re at the North Pole, all directions are South, the Left Pole is the mythical spot from which all directions are Right.”) I think these people have to live in places like New York City because there are so many of them, and the Left Pole is such a small space, they have to be stacked on top of one another.
Now, most of the country lies between, say, the 5- and 7-inch marks. Those who fancy themselves Democrats are between the 5- and 6-inch marks, and those who fancy themselves Republicans are between the 6- and 7-inch marks. Since they occupy the very center of the ruler, they all work and play and get along together. Oh, there are some who stray out to the 4- or 8-, or maybe even the 3- or 9-inch lines, but even they tend to be basically civil.
Where things get confusing is when you get into the mass of politicians, especially in Washington, DC; for there the Democrats reside between the 0- and 1-inch marks, and the Republicans between the 1- and 2-inch marks. This leads them to believe that the center of the ruler is at the 1-inch mark.
I think this is because the ruler has a slight bend to it, like the curvature of the Earth, so that to those nearest the Left Pole, those anywhere beyond the 1-inch mark appear to be The Extreme Right; and to those occupying this “right wing” area, those on the other side of the 1-inch mark appear to be The Extreme Left. (What about all those folks beyond the 2-inch mark, you ask? Well, The Extreme Left Wing can’t see that far; and The Extreme Right Wing have never looked that way; so neither wing knows they exist.)
Now, back to the PC keyboard’s influence on the ruler. The fondest political wish of those to the right of the 2-inch mark (the ALT part of the keyboard) is to be left alone by government: to be able to spend one day without running into a single soul who works for a government, without having to comply with some arcane government regulation, without having to pay a penny in taxes, fees, surcharges, or whatever other euphemism you want to use for taxes.
But, alas, those to the left of the 2-inch mark correspond to the CTRL portion of the keyboard, and it is apparently impossible for them to leave other people alone. There is within them an overpowering urge to control other people: to run their lives, to control how much water their toilets can use, to control how many MPG their cars must get, to control whether they give money to or get money from the government, etc. and ad infinitum. (Oh, by the way, these Controls don’t apply to them.)
This, I think, is a root cause of our country’s troubles: spoiled brats who can’t get along with one another and who actually think they represent ordinary Americans, are playing a game of marbles (for keeps, and using our marbles) and don’t care who gets hurt in the process, as long as Number One comes out on top.
