Hi All, I figured some of you might have useful insights here, and since a number of us work in finance, I’m sure this is the type of situation that at least a couple of you have gone through. Recently, I started casually dating someone that works in investment banking. This is the first person I’ve dated that works in finance, and she works a lot more hours than I do. I’ve been working about 60 hours a week, but she’s been working close to 80. She’s a year younger than me and is just getting chronically slammed at work. We did see each other a couple of nights last week, but our Saturday night plans got totally shelved because she was working until the wee hours of Sunday morning. It’s possible that she’s not that into me so I did think that maybe she was just copping out, but she’s also a pretty straightforward person and she’d called me from the office on Saturday at midnight…no joke. Anyway, she’s a great girl and we have very good chemistry, but I’m starting to wonder whether dating someone that’s so career-driven is all that it’s cut out to be. Granted, I have things to do on any given night, whether it’s work, non-profit activities, sports, or just hanging out with friends. I’m pretty busy and I certainly don’t run the risk of getting bored, but when I do have some downtime, I’d like to spend some of it with this girl. She insists that her work schedule isn’t always going to be this chaotic, but I know enough people that do banking and something about her tells me that she’s the type of person that’ll say yes to whatever her employers tell her to do. With the economy being the way it is, I guess I can’t argue with that. Girls that I’ve dated in the past occasionally bemoaned that I didn’t have enough time to spend with them. If I could see them 2-3 times a week, that would be a lot for me and so I didn’t totally realize why they felt the way they did. But now that the shoe’s on the other foot so to speak, I’m starting to understand. Have any of you dated someone that was considerably busier at work than you were, and if so, can you comment on whether things did or didn’t work out? Are there any tricks to making something like this work, or do you just have to be willing to accept the other person’s horrible work-life balance?
I’ve only ever had this issue with dating students during finals, and then it’s easy, because finals have a finite timeframe. I’d stick it out for a few more weeks, but if it’s a struggle to meet them once a week it may not work out.
If she’s worth it then spending a small amount of time with her is better than none at all!
She isn’t going to put you ahead of her career, neither should you. It’s not like she’s your wife, you don’t owe her that much attention. Thefore, you either have to accept her busy work schedule and make the best of it, or find someone who has less busy work schedule and have them complain you don’t see them enough.
80 - 60 = 20 hours of 2nd and 3rd girlfriend potential. Dating arbitrage my friend.
Geez, I forgot about the late Sat. nights at the office…that’s why IB is out of my focus for the job search.
Good to know you’re eating your pears Numi…
I’d dump her. You’re the man, you work 60/hrs a week, you need a woman during your relax hours, not a finance buddy. Feel free to initiate dating arbitrage sequence, she sounds solid for networking and shop talk, but these types are dead ends in all other ways.
XSellSide Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > 80 - 60 = 20 hours of 2nd and 3rd girlfriend > potential. Dating arbitrage my friend. +1
I’ve never been in that situation. Prior to my wife I sought chicks that never made it past community college and lived at or near the poverty line.
What do you talk about when you go out? Financial modeling?
I do not think two finance folks will work out long term (generalizing I know). Too similar personalities, interests etc. My wife is my polar opposite and the same is true for the rest of my married finance friends.
Thanks for the feedback, guys. She and I spend very little time talking shop, which may be surprising. I think it’s because both of us have interesting hobbies outside of work, and also very compatible senses of humor. The only times we talk about work-related topics if we want to rant about things things like office politics, funny stuff that happened at work, and things like that.
Seeing who can list the assumptions behind the Black scholes pricing model first is known to be a powerful aphrodisiac.
yea alpha females are wack dude. You wanna have her available on YOUR time, not the other way around.
If you don’t dump her now she eventually will dump you once she finds a better job or career path that requires her to move somewhere else. So might as well find someone who likes you more than her job.
Looks like you are into this girl more that you think you are, i’d say this is not a go no-go decision. Finding a girl you really share things is not easy bro. You have to sacrifice a bit. And slowly she’ll move things around and find the time to spend with you, ONLY if she gets the right signal from you.
KarenC Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > XSellSide Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > 80 - 60 = 20 hours of 2nd and 3rd girlfriend > > potential. Dating arbitrage my friend. > > > +1 Since when do chicks +1 a 3-girlfriend situation?
reverse it for a 3-boyfriend situation…
Since when do chicks look for 3 boyfriends at a time?